I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Thank you for not boning my boss.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
