Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
