Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
pray to the hookup gods
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
