Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
