Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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