Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
