Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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