You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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