I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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