If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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