Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
