Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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