why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
