And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
