Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize