They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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