I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
