I'm jealous of your bromance
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
