Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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