i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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