The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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