mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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