I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
