I got chris browned last night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
