i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
