So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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