I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
