People with herpes should wear stickers.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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