he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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