He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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