Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
