So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I smell like Dick and happiness
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
