we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
