apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
