I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
