No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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