he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
