We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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