I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Randomize
