my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
