I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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