If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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