omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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