I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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