They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
