Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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