i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
