wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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