areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
