I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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