peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
