All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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