Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
