He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
