peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
