i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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