I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
