i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
