I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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