shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
