dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Let's get the cat blown out
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
