Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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