Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
