All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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