he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
