we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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