the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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