we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
