some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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