I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
