We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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