Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize