So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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