One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm at about main and main street
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
