Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
