SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he thought i was a dude.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
