So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
