I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
you never un-have a 4some
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
