my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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