im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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